Horrible Recipe of the Week

Unfortunately it turns out that the first Horrible Recipe of the Week was not the last. It was posted on a Saturday, which is not very good for an X of the Week; X of the Week postings should be on Sundays or Mondays, obviously. What'smoreover, some callous reprobate went and asked me to repost the recipe with measures adjusted for his actual ingredients on hand. Since that is topologically impossible, an entirely new recipe is required to accommodate this amoral recidivist's sadistic whims. It wouldn't surprise me in the slightest if he were a serial killer or maybe even a geneticist.

Thus we must endure another terrible, terrible recipe.
( Dear God no please make it stop )